After a series of diplomatic snubs, White House gaffes, and seething with envy over Xi Jinping's popularity at the G-20 Summit, President Obama treated the world's leaders with a stellar performance of Ameroboob outrage. When finally given an opportunity to speak, Obama lashed out at his enemies.
"Part of what I've tried to communicate to President Xi" Obama thundered, "is that the United States arrives at its power, in part, by restraining itself."
A statement which must have raised more than a few eyebrows. The President continued: "When we see them violating international rules and norms, as we have seen in some cases in the South China Sea or in some of their behavior when it comes to economic policy, we have been very firm. And we have indicated to them that there will be consequences!"
Obama then turned his wrath on his other nemesis, Russian President Putin.
"We have had problems with cyber intrusions from Russia in the past," Obama fumed. "We cannot have a situation where countries that have significant cyber capacity start engaging in unhealthy competition or conflict through those means" (says the man who presided over the NSA spy scandal) "We're moving into a new era where a number of countries have significant cyber capacity. And frankly, we have more capability than anybody, both offensively and defensively!"
Obama also unleashed his frustrations on his rebellious satrap in The Philippines, President Rodrigo Duterte. Obama gave covert aid to Duterte to elevate him to the Filipino Presidency, but the two have had a significant falling-out almost since Duterte's first day in office. The thuggish Filipino President took Obama's rather personally, and launched into a public tirade of his own---the text of which discretion compels us to draw a veil over. Obama was forced to cancel a scheduled meeting with Duterte over the incident.
Mercifully for American prestige abroad, the G-20 Summit concluded---closing one of the disgraceful US foreign policy episodes since Bush Senior puked on the Japanese Prime Minister in 1990.
Beltway antics aside, the 2016 G-20 Summit actually did see significant and progressive initiatives come to fruition. Post-BREXIT Britain and China seem to have resolved their differences over a pending nuclear deal which will potentially revolutionize the UK's energy sector. The nations also ratified China's proposal for a joint task force to fight global financial corruption, as well as a proposal for greater joint efforts to fight international terrorism. They also set up an international task force to promote innovation in technological fields. To Obama's further mortification, the participants agreed to include the Gold-backed Chinese yuan as an IMF reserve currency.
But next year, we Americans can look forward to President Trump lecturing the G-20 on Border Walls as an economic stimulus project. Oh well...