Monday, October 31, 2016

ALLIES CRUSH TERRORISTS DESPITE PENTAGON BLUNDERS

    Allied news sources reported today significant gains on both fronts after heavy fighting this weekend. After successfully repelling another ISIS feint against Ramadi, the Battle of Mosul resumed. Units of the Iraqi Army broke through ISIS defensive lines at the axis of the Southern and Eastern Quadrants and drove the terrorist forces out of Mosul's Al-Karama District. This is the first Allied incursion into the Mosul city limits.

     Al-Karama is on the eastern bank of the Tigris River. Allied troops are fighting their way up the river valley to effect a junction with the forces now inside Mosul. Progress up the river is slow, ISIS heavily mined the area before retreating. Col. Kemel Hassan, commanding Iraqi military engineers told the press that his unit has cleared 50 tons of explosives from newly-liberated areas. He noted that the ISIS thugs are even leaving booby-traps designed to kill returning civilians.

      "ISIS has planted a number of bombs in toys and other objects attractive to children." he stated. "They use these toys because they know that the Peshmerga (Kurdish auxiliaries fighting with the Allies) will not touch them, but children will. A toy, a playing card, an abandoned watch---these have all been used as detonators to spark the curiosity of returning civilians who would be maimed or murdered in the explosion."

      It was also reported that an Iraqi airstrike destroyed ISIS headquarters in southern Mosul, killing their top commander in the district. Allied intelligence also reported that one of the most hideous of ISIS' leaders, Abu Wasbeh, was confirmed killed six weeks ago by a civilian sniper. Wasbeh was the ISIS commander responsible for recruiting children as suicide bombers. His successor was among those killed in this morning's air-raid on ISIS' HQ.

     Tensions also flared again between Allied forces and the Pentagon when advancing Iraqi troops captured an ISIS ammo dump and discovered US-made weapons---including Stinger and TOW missiles there. The LGBTQ-friendly USAF was also witnessed air-dropping weapons and other supplies accidentally on ISIS positions outside of Mosul. Shiite Militia General Hassan Abdulhadi, whose forces operate near the Pentagon's 'No-Fly Zone', said that the Militias are near their wits-ends with Beltway interference in the war.

     "The Coalition fighter jets don't target the terrorist convoys moving back and forth between here an Raqqa. Their attacks are not even effective; they just want to pose as partners in this operation. The Western media reports about US participation in the battle are just propaganda for Washington." he stated.

     Matters came to a head on Sunday when Allied officers launched a formal protest to the Pentagon that continual electronic traffic from the US base was jamming military communications. While our brave men and women in uniform are sending selfies of themselves twerking in the desert, men are actually trying to win a war.

        On the Western Front, Al-Qaeda forces trapped in Eastern Aleppo launched an estimated 16,000 man assault against the Hezbollah militia in a desperate attempt to break the Allied siege. The terrorists launched chemical weapons and attacked in waves, but Hezbollah stood its ground until reinforced by Syrian regulars. Al-Qaeda losses were heavy; Syrian commanders believe that the terrorists suffered nearly 2,000 casualties, while Hezbollah was cited for valor.

         It is reported that Allied missile batteries and a unit of the elite Desert Eagles commandoes are moving into Aleppo, fueling speculation that the Allies are soon to launch a decisive offensive against Al-Qaeda in the near future.

                                                   ISIS Headquarters Going Up in Smoke

                                               Meanwhile, Our Brave Heroes in Action

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