CONGRESSMAN HAS TDS ATTACK DURING TRUMP SPEECH

     Democratic Congressman Luis Gutierrez became the latest victim of a nationwide phenomenon known as Trump Derangement Syndrome during yesterday's State of the Union address. Regular readers know of several well-documented TDS attacks from all walks of life. 

       TDS strikes without warning but is always activated by either personal or symbolic representations of President Trump, his family, or even his officials. Vice-President Pence and Education Secretary DeVos, for example, have seen TDS breakdowns in their presence though neither Trump nor his family was anywhere within hundreds of miles of them. 

       People who experience TDS attacks also invariably do so in public; and usually at the most unbelievably inconvenient times. It comes over its victim like a paroxysm; causing them to commit bizarre and sometimes even dangerous behaviors. The victims act out these dramas---observably similar to tantrums---utterly blind to any consequences to themselves or others. 

       Luis Gutierrez is the first known victim of TDS among national politicians, although Maxine Waters and Nancy Pelosi have at times exhibited strong potential symptoms. During the portion of the President's speech where he spoke of national monuments to thundering cheers, Gutierrez ran screaming from the Assembly with his hands over his ears. 

       The breakdown was caught on video, though due to audience applause for Trump whatever Gutierrez was shouting couldn't be heard. Previous cases indicate that TDS victims typically unleash a torrent of profanity during attacks, however; so we may presume the same of the Esteemed Gentleman from Illinois. 

         Gutierrez' PR spokesmen tried to downplay the incident, claiming that the Congressman urgently had to go to the bathroom, or something. He had calmed down sufficiently to give an interview with the sleazy anti-Trump tabloid Salon a few hours later. It's not known where Gutierrez went or what he did immediately after running from the Assembly; and---given some of the details around other TDS breakdowns---it is probably best to draw a discreet veil over the question anyway. 

        Fortunately for Chicago---and the US in general---Gutierrez is not running for re-election in 2018. But during the next few months it wouldn't hurt if the Capitol Police and EMS personnel should keep a close eye on him.